Appreciating The Best Worst Couple of all Time: Gaius Baltar and #6

She's a supermodel alien robot who invented free will and then fell in love with the worst man ever. He's a pathetic know-it-all who dooms the human race and then starts hallucinating her fucking him in public places. They're atrocious and I love them.

What a wretched wet cat of a man. She's everything and he's just Ken.

My dearest CHERRYPI readers, welcome back to another extremely niche yet fervently passionate post. Today,we're writing an ode to television's hottest failcouple ever: Battlestar Galactica's Gaius Baltar and Caprica Six.

Battlestar- for those who don't know- is a 2000s remake of a 70s sci-fi show in which a long time ago in a galaxy far far away the human race almost gets obliterated by a race of machines called Cylons. These Cylons, who were originally engineered by humans, have a robot uprising (Amazon Alexa???) and drive the last of humanity into space, where they remain on the run from their creepy yet badass android children. It's like if Frankenstein had spaceships and served more cunt.

How exactly does the robot uprising happen? Well, it all begins with ONE GUY being down bad for a blonde woman: world-renowned scientist and General Smart Guy Gaius Baltar, ready to commit treason in the name of good pussy, gives his robot girlfriend state secrets (which she then uses to genocide, like, 80% of humanity). In his defense, he did not know she was a robot at the time.

She did start glowing like the fucking Terminator when they were having sex so I'm not sure how that didn't arouse any suspicions for him. But maybe he just thought his dick game was really good???

Anyway, long story short: she dies, he escapes into space, he starts hallucinating her beating him up Fight-Club-style while he lies to everyone on the spaceship that he's totally innocent and not responsible for the apocalypse at all, she's maybe not actually dead, etc, etc, etc... ahh, a romance for the ages.

Ok, enough exposition. Let's get to the parts where she BDSMs him into believing in God. Here are the worst couple ever's best moments, conveniently in video form and set to "Laid" by James because um obviously.

Read on for my fave seven scenes.

I literally made this edit myself like 3 years ago. I'm only including it because there is NO content for this show online (where is the justice in this world) and there's no way I'm learning how to make gifs. So here.

1. When she steps on him with her heels

STARTING OFF STRONG! How can a couple where one of them is invisible to everyone else NOT be sexy!?

I feel like Six is a great example of when a female character gets All-Male-Writers-Room'ed SO HARD that she goes full circle and turns into a wonderful, complex, compelling woman. In any other show a preternaturally beautiful woman in heels and a skintight red dress who exists only in the mind of her male love interest would be setting feminism back by at least thirty years.

But because she's, like, bullying Baltar and humiliating him in front of his colleagues, you get the feeling she's getting her revenge for how he objectifies her. YOU WANT ME IN MY EASY-ACCESS DRESS 24/7? COCK AND BALL TORTURE, BITCH.

In my humble opinion this is one of the sexiest moments ever aired on television. If I was a hot robot girl stepping on pathetic puppy-dog-eyed men in my stiletto heels I think I would never feel sadness again. I'm deadly jealous.

2. When she's sitting on his lap and then it cuts and he's just staring infatuatedly up into empty space like an idiot

Let's take a moment to appreciate the more comedic realities of semi-invisible public sex. There is truly nothing funnier than those subtle reminders that- minus the third wall- Baltar looks absolutely deranged to everyone around him.

UGH, THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES. So cute. I could just eat him alive.

3. When someone interrupts them fucking in the lab and they are extremely sassy about it

The AUDACITY of someone to walk in on them in a very public location having (what is loosely defined as) intercourse during the apocalypse. SMH. Some people have no respect.

4. When they hold hands while walking

SHUT UP this is so cute. She's literally invisible. He has no friends except for the deranged girl in his head who he sold the human race out to. She has no friends except for her robot companions who keep murdering people even though she kinda just wants everyone to chill out and let her date her terrible boyfriend in peace. They were delulu before delulu was a thing.

Six (a metaphorical angel) metaphorically creating metaphorical free will and then using that monumental achievement over her murder-robot programming to 1) believe in God, like, from the Bible, and 2) fall head over heels for the most terrible, most HUMAN man ever, is possibly the greatest character arc ever.

5. When she's talking and he has to try not to laugh out loud because no one else can hear her

The bitchiest, most gossipy couple of all time. Every time she makes him laugh and he has to hide his smile behind his hand because everyone already thinks he's insane and neurotic but she thinks it's funny to torture him in public, I have more faith in romance. This is the real shit. We have enough Prince Charmings and Christian Greys. WHERE is my representation of hater4hater couples???? Just absolute fucking losers refusing to take any situation seriously?????

6. When she pins him to a wall and makes him pray to God for forgiveness to avoid imminent doom

Last but not least...the bizarre relationship between a Christian robot and an atheistic scientist can be something so very special.

In the first (!!!) episode, Six repeatedly tries to convince Baltar that God is watching over him, and that every time he renounces God's existence he's tempting fate. Though Baltar shrugs her off, by the end of the episode it seems like she might be right: with the exposure of Baltar's treason hanging in the balance of one military decision, Six tells him God is punishing him for his lack of faith, and he'll only save Gaius's life if he repents.

This conversation gets a lot more interesting when you realize she's pressing him up against a wall and death-staring him down while he hyperventilates. When he finally breaks and says, "I repent", it's unclear whether he's saying it to her or God. Holy shit, I love their twisted rituals. They're hotter than the actual sex.

thx for reading <3 um did you enjoy this??? has anyone even watched this show?????